the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
