i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
