Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
