Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
