you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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