There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
