you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
