I smell stomach acid.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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