I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
