Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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