I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
