Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
