I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
