we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
