Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
