Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize