he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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