u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
