pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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