I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
