I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
