That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
