thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
