there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
