i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize