Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
