So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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