Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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