this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
