what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
