Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
