I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
