you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize