I just pynch a tree in the face
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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