He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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