they need to just BURY HIM!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
