I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
