It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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