im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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