I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's always time for handjobs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
