only you would photoshop your dick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
