I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
