Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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