So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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