i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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