it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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