When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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