I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The chlamydia really affected his face.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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