Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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