dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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