Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
