i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
