i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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