If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
