he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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