Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
