Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
