i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
