somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
