meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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