planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
