we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
