Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
