Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
