Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
