is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
