4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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