So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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