drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
