it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
