I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
