how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
