you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
