Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
