my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize