Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
