Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
