I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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