So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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