Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
