you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
