Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
