You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
