i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
