it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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