Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
did you just send me my own nude
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
