You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
