Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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