i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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