I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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