i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We left the knife in your bed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
