I skipped work to stalk him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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