someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
