We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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