Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize