You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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