I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
