I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
