She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
