i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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