the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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