apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
