It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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