with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
