She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
